Nicolai Levashov
About Spirit, Mind and many other things...
Svetlana de Rohan Levashov
Part 1. Childhood. Vol. 1. Awakening


Why did I decide to write this book? Of course, I did not do that because I consider myself someone special or extraordinary. I just happened to live a bright and quite unusual life, and if this book helps someone not to feel lonely in our beautiful, but very cruel world, then I have not written it in vain.

We got used to make our life easier by saying: "it cannot be, because it never can be" readily casting aside everything that cannot be squeezed into our "universally recognized" frameworks. We got used to believing that all people are kind, that TV sets broadcast "only truth and nothing but truth" which is so comfortable to live with and anything that brings (or just could bring) us any inconvenience, or we cannot find room for in our "well-organized", but at the same time too problematic world, is banished from it without the least regret.

This book is exactly about this kind of "incorrect" life. It is a history of a "little hermit" lost in the incomprehensible and sometimes very spiky world of people. One who has walked a long and very "thorny" way and finally found her real essence, the understanding of life and those wonders which accompanied her throughout her life.

I am grateful to my grand-dad for bright and unforgettable recollections with which he filled my child's world and also unusual wonders which, regrettably, very soon became the "scourge" of my childhood existence.

I am grateful to my father. I could not have lived my life with my chin up, never surrendering or losing my faith in myself without his support. My life would never be the way it is now without his love and faith in me.

I am grateful to my mother for her wonderful kindness and faith in me, for her help and resolute guarding of my "eccentric" abilities.

I am grateful to my wonderful son Robert who gave me a chance to be a proud mother, for his open heart and his talent, and also because he just exists on this Earth.

And, with the whole of my heart, I am grateful to my amazing husband, Nicolai Levashov, who helped me to find myself in my "lost" world, gave me the understanding of that to which I tantalizingly tried to find answers for many long years and opened a door into the fabulously beautiful world of Big Space.

To him, my best friend without whom I could not imagine my present existence, I dedicate this book.

Addendum to Preface

As we grow, mature and get older, our life is filled with plenty of recollections, which are dear to our heart, but sometimes absolutely unnecessary. They overload our memory, which already is so tired, leaving in it only fragments of the events which happened a long time ago and vague faces of people who you met also a long time ago.

Present ousts the past bit by bit, encumbering our brain, which has been already strongly over-loaded with today’s important events, and our lovely childhood and youth, so dear to our hearts, gradually recede into the background, being blurred by the stream of the important today...

No matter how bright a life we have lived and how brilliant our memory, nobody is able to reconstruct events which happened forty (or more) years ago with total exactness.

For reasons of which we are unaware, sometimes a person or a fact leaves an indelible impression and is literally "imprinted" in our memory forever, and sometimes something very important disappears in the ever-flowing stream of time and only an accidental conversation with an old acquaintance unexpectedly snatches out some exceptionally important event from the nooks of our memory and the thought that we could have forgotten such a thing amazes us to the bottom of our heart!

Before I started writing this book, I tried to refresh some events in my memory which I considered important for me and interesting enough for telling to others, but to my huge disappointment I understood that even my excellent memory would be unable to restore many details, and especially dialogues, which happened such a long time ago, with appropriate accuracy.

Therefore I decided to use the most reliable and well proven method – time travel – in order to rebuild any event and any detail of the past with absolute exactness, re-living exactly that day (or days) when the event I choose to tell about took place. It was the only way to get the result I aimed for, because the usual "normal" method cannot, with exactitude, reproduce past events.

Perfectly understanding that such detailed precision, down to the minutest details of the dialogues, mine and other protagonists, and the very events, may leave my readers perplexed and even in doubt (and give the opportunity to my "ill-wishers", if any, to call all of it a "fantasy"), I therefore wrote this addendum, considering my moral imperative to try to explain somehow what will be going on here.

In case of my being unsuccessful in that, I just would like to invite all those interested to slightly lift the veil of time with me for a short while and to live together my strange and sometimes even slightly mad, but very unusual and colourful, life...

1. The beginning

From a bird's-eye view of the past years of our life, our dear childhood looks more like some kind of very beautiful fairy-tale which we heard a very long time ago. Warm mother’s hands carefully covering you with a blanket before sleep, long and sunny summer days, not yet blurred with sorrows and many other things, light and cloudless like our far away childhood itself, are summoned to mind. I was born in Lithuania, in a small and strikingly green town called Alitus, far from the stormy life of famous people and "great powers". It had then only about 35 000 inhabitants who mostly lived in their own private houses surrounded by orchards and flower-gardens. An ancient forest which stretched for kilometres embraced our princely small town giving the impression of an enormous green bowl in which it placidly and peacefully snuggled, living its tranquil life.

The Nemunas (Neman) islands, Alitus
The Nemunas (Neman) islands
One of the three lakes in the town
One of the three lakes in the town
The place where we usually bathed
The place where we usually came to bathe

It was built in 1400 by a Lithuanian prince, Alitis, on the bank of the wide beautiful river Nemunas. More precisely, a castle was built first, and the tiny town around it appeared later. The river looped around the town, as if creating some kind of natural protection, in the middle of which the blue mirrors of three small forest lakes glittered. Regrettably, today nothing is left of the ancient castle; only its ruins survived to see the present day as it gradually turned into an enormous hill the top of which grants an amazing view of the river. The ruins were the most favourite and enigmatic place of our childhood games. It was a place of spirits and ghosts which, for us, still seemed to live in these old tumbledown underground tunnels and looked for "victims" to drag into their mysterious underground world. Only the bravest boys dared to go into them deep and far enough to return afterwards and scare their less bold mates with frightful stories.

2. A friend

Vasili Nikandrovich Seriogin
Vasili Nikandrovich Seriogin

For as long as I can remember the greater part of my earliest recollections as a child was always associated with the forest, dearly loved by all members of my family. We lived in a couple of houses very close to it and went there almost every day. My grandpa who I adored with my whole little heart was like a forest spirit to me. It seemed that he knew every tree, flower, bird or path and he could tell about that absolutely awesome and unknown to me world for hours, never repeating himself or getting too tired to answer my foolish child’s questions.I would never miss these morning walks with him for anything in the world. They were my favourite fairy-tale world which I shared with nobody.

To my huge regret, I understood who my grandfather really was only many years later, but then he was just the nearest, warmest and most fragile human being with bright lively eyes who taught me to listen to nature, talk to the trees and even to understand the voices of birds. Then I was just a little girl and sincerely thought that such things were quite normal; or maybe I did not think about it at all. I remember my first acquaintance with a "talking" tree. It was an old and enormous oak, too huge for the little hands of a child.

– Do you see how big and kind it is? Listen to it. Listen... – the gentle and enveloping voice of my grandfather whispered. And I heard...

Until now, as if it happened yesterday, I vividly remember that feeling, incomparable with anything else, of a confluence with something incredibly enormous and deep. It was a feeling of strange visions of strange far away lives which began to drift suddenly before my eyes and deep feelings of joy and sadness, too deep and complicated for a little child. My familiar and usual world disappeared and instead of it everything shone around and spun in the incomprehensible and amazing whirlpool of sounds and feelings. I felt no fear, only huge surprise and desire that it would never end...

A child is not an adult. He does not think of anything as wrong or that it should not be (according to our "accepted" concepts). Therefore it did not seem strange to me that it was another, absolutely different world, which was very exciting and beautiful. And this world was shown to me by the man my little child's heart trusted with all its natural, pure and open simplicity.

I always adored nature. I was tightly connected with any of its manifestations, independent of place, time or somebody's wish. From the earliest days of my conscious existence our enormous old garden became the favourite place of my everyday games. Until now I remember, in the minutest detail, the feeling of that unique child's delight which I always experienced running out there on a sunny summer morning! I submerged into that extremely familiar and at the same time so mysterious and ever-changing world of smells, sounds and absolutely inimitable senses; the world which regrettably grows and changes as we grow and change, and later we have neither time nor strength to stop and listen to our soul.

Svetlana Svetlana Svetlana
Svetlana Seriogina

We constantly speed along in a wild whirlpool of days and events, pursuing our dream and trying to "achieve something in this life" at all cost. And gradually we begin to forget (if we remembered it at all) how strikingly beautiful a blossoming flower can be, how marvelous the forest smells after the rain or how sometimes incredibly deep the silence can be and how our soul exhausted by the everyday race needs just a simple rest.

Usually I woke up very early. Morning was my favourite part of the day (which, regrettably, totally changed when I grew up). I adored hearing the way the still sleepy earth woke up from the morning coolness; seeing how the first drops of dew sparkled still hanging on tender floral petals and then fell down like little diamond stars at the lightest puff of the breeze. I relished watching LIFE waking up to meet the new day. This was truly MY world. I loved it and was absolutely sure that it would be with me forever.

At that time we lived in the old two-story house surrounded by an enormous old garden. Every day my mother went to work and my father mainly stayed at home or was out for trips because he worked as a journalist in a local newspaper the name of which I regrettably do not remember. Therefore almost all day I spent with my grandpa and grandma, my father’s parents (as I knew later, his foster parents).

Our family our family
Left: mother, father, grandmother and me.
Right: my father after pneumonia, me and mother.

3. The first "swallows"

My second favourite passion was reading, which forever remained my greatest love. I learned to read when I was three which, as it appeared later, was a very early age for that. When I was four, I already could fluently and incessantly read my favourite fairy-tales (for which I have now paid with my eyes).

I adored living with my heroes: I sympathized with them, cried when something went wrong and was indignant and offended when the evil won. And when fairy-tales had a happy ending, everything sparkled in pink and the festive mood accompanied me throughout the whole day. It is funny and sad to remember these astonishingly pure childhood days, when everything seemed possible and absolutely real. Well, sometimes it was indeed so real that I could not even imagine how this was so. It happened when I read one of my favourite fairy-tales, being in pure rapture. The feeling was so bright that I remember everything as if it happened yesterday: the ordinary world around me suddenly disappeared and I found myself in my favourite fairy-tale. I mean I truly appeared there. Everything there was really alive – moving, changing and absolutely astonishing. I did not know exactly how much time I spent in that amazing world, but when it suddenly disappeared, I felt a painfully-deep clanking emptiness inside me…

It seemed that our "normal" world had suddenly lost all its colours, so bright and colourful was my strange vision. I did not want to part with it. I did not want it to end and suddenly I felt so "deprived" that I started crying and rushed to complain to anybody I could find at that moment about my "irreplaceable loss". Fortunately my mother was at home and on patiently hearing out my confusing babble, made me promise not to share this "extraordinary" news with my friends.

When, surprised, I asked: – Why?

My mother confusingly said that it would be our secret for a while. Of course I agreed, but it seemed to me a little strange because I was used to sharing all my news openly with my friends, and now it was suddenly forbidden for some reason. My strange "adventure" was gradually forgotten, because every day of one’s childhood usually brings something new and unusual. But one day it repeated again and then happened almost every time when I began to read something.

I fully submerged in my amazing fairy-tale world, which seemed to me far more real than all other usual "realities". And in no way could I understand, having the mind of a child, why my mother became less and less delighted every time I told her my inspired stories. My poor kind mother! Now, on living my life, I can only imagine what she must have gone through then! I was her third and only child (my brother and sister died at birth), which had suddenly submerged into who knows what and was not going to come out of it!

I am very grateful to her for her boundless patience and her efforts to understand everything which happened to me then and during all the following "crazy" years of my life. I think that my grandpa greatly helped her to do that, the same way he helped me. He was always with me and probably that was why his death became the most bitter and irreparable loss of my childhood years.

4. The loss

A burning and unknown pain flung me into a strange and cold world of adults, giving no possibility of ever coming back. My fragile, light and fairy-tale world of a child was broken into thousands of tiny pieces which, somehow I knew, I could never bring together. Certainly, I still was a little six-year-old child with my dreams and fantasies, but at the same time I firmly knew that our amazing world could not be always so fairyland beautiful and, so it appears, was not always safe to exist in.

I remember that just a few weeks before that frightful day, my grandpa and I sat in our garden and "listened" to the sunset. Grandpa was quiet and sad for some reason, but this sadness was very warm and light and even had a kind of deep kindness. Now I understand that he knew then that he would leave very soon, but regrettably I did not know that.

–Some day, in many, many years, when I am not with you, you will watch the sunset and listen to the trees and maybe sometimes you will remember your old grandpa, – his voice purled like a quiet brook. – Life is very precious and beautiful, child, even if sometimes it will seem to you cruel and unfair. No matter what happen to you, remember: you have the most important things in the world – your honour and your human dignity – which nobody can discredit or take away from you, only you can do that. Preserve them, little one, allow nobody to break you, and the rest in life can be remedial.

He rocked me like a baby in his dry and always warm hands. I felt so incredibly peaceful that I held my breath in order not to scare off this wonderful moment, when the soul was warmed and rested, when the whole world seemed to be so enormous and extraordinarily kind... suddenly the essence of his words reached my mind!!!

I jumped up like a disheveled chicken, gasping in indignation and, as ill luck would have it, unable to find in my "rebelling" head the words so needed for this moment. It was so vexing and absolutely unfair! Why must he speak about the sadly-inevitable event which (I even understood it already) sooner or later must happen, on such a wonderful evening?! My heart did not want to hear that and accept such a "horror", which was quite natural: all of us, even children, refuse to acknowledge this sad fact so much that we pretend that it will never happen. Maybe one day it can happen to someone somewhere, but not to us... never.

Of course, all the charm of our wonderful evening disappeared and I did not wish to dream anymore about anything. Life again gave me to understand that no matter how hard we try, there are not so many things in this world which we, actually, can control. My grandpa’s death indeed turned my life whole upside-down. He died in my hands when I was just six years old. It happened in an early sunny morning when everything around seemed to be so happy, tender and kind. The first morning birds joyfully called to one another in the garden, merrily passing the latest news to each other. A pink-cheeked dawn, still soft after the last morning sleep, was about to open its eyes, washed by the morning dew. The air exhaled an amazingly delicious fragrance from the multitude of summer flowers.

Life was so pure and beautiful! There was no way one could imagine that a misfortune could suddenly and pitilessly burst into such a fairy-tale-wonderful world. It just did not have any right to do so!!! But it is not in vain that they say misfortune always comes uninvited, never asking permission to enter. This morning it entered our home, without knocking, and effortlessly destroyed my so well protected, carefree and sunny child’s world, leaving unbearable pain and the terrible and cold emptiness of the first loss in my life.

That morning my grandpa and I were going to go for a walk in our forest to pick the wild strawberries which I liked very much. As I calmly waited for him outside, it suddenly seemed to me that a piercing icy wind blew from somewhere and an enormous black shadow came down to earth. I felt scared and lonely. There was nobody in the house in that moment except for my grandpa and I decided to go to check whether he was all right. He lay on his bed very pale and somehow I understood at once that he was dying. I rushed to him, hugged and began to shake, trying by all means to return him back. Then I began to yell and call for help. It was very strange: nobody heard me and came to help for some reason, although I knew that everybody was somewhere close by and must hear me. I did not understand then that it was my soul that cried…

I had a terrible feeling that time had stopped and we were both out of it, as if someone had placed us in a glass sphere where there was neither life nor time. And then I felt as if my hair stood on end. I will never forget that feeling, even if I live for a hundred years!

I saw a transparent luminous spirit that came out of my grandpa’s body and, on floating to me, it began to softly flow into me. I was terribly scared at first, but then I felt soothing warmth and for some reason understood that nothing bad could happen to me. The spirit like a luminous stream, easily and softly flowed into me, and became smaller and smaller, as if gradually "melting", and I felt as if my body became enormous, vibrating and extraordinarily light, almost "soaring".

It was a moment of confluence with something uncommonly substantial, all-embracing and incredibly important to me. And then there was a terrible and engrossing pain from the loss which swept over me like a black wave, crushing any attempt of mine to resist it. I cried so much at the funeral that my parents were afraid that I would fall sick.

The pain took total hold of my child's heart and refused to let it go. The world seemed intimidating, cold and empty. I could not accept the fact that my grandpa would be buried and I would never see him again! I was angry with him that he had left me and I was angry with myself that I failed to save him. Life was cruel and unfair... and I hated it because I had to bury him. Probably, this is why it was the first and last funeral which I ever attended in my life.

5. Reality

After the funeral I could not become myself. I became withdrawn and spent a lot of time alone, which distressed all my family to the innermost of their hearts. But little by little life took its normal course and I gradually began to come out of that deeply isolated state in which I submerged myself, but this coming out did not appear to be a simple thing... My patient and loving parents tried to help me, as best as they could. But with all their efforts, they did not know that I was not alone anymore, that after everything I had experienced, a much more unusual and fantastic world – than that in which I had already lived for some time – suddenly opened before me. This world, which excelled any imaginary fantasy with its beauty, was presented to me by my grandpa’s extraordinary spirit. It was much more striking than everything that had happened to me before. Only this time I did not want to share it with anybody for some reason.

Day passed after day. In my everyday life I was an absolutely normal six-year-old child, who had joys and sorrows, wishes and grief and such unrealizable cheerful child's dreams. I chased after pigeons, adored going to the river with my parents, played badminton with my friends, helped my mother and grandmother in the garden, read my favourite books and studied playing the pianoforte. In other words, I lived the most normal and ordinary life of a little child. The only trouble was that by that time I already had two Lives. I lived as if being in two quite different worlds: the first one was our ordinary world in which we all live every day; and the second one was my own "hidden" world where only my soul lived. With every day it became more and more difficult for me to understand why did everything that happened to me not happen to any of my friends?

I began to notice more often that the more I shared my "unbelievable" stories with some of my friends, the more often I felt a strange estrangement and non-child watchfulness from them. It hurt and made me very sad. Children are curious, but they do not like incomprehensible things. They always try to get to the essence of what is going with their child's mind as quickly as possible and if they are unable to understand it, it becomes "alien" to their everyday reality and they try to forget about it as quickly as possible. Gradually I became such an "alien" thing.

I also began to understand that my mother was right when she advised me not to tell my friends about everything. But I just could not understand why they did not want to know about these things, they were so interesting! So, step by step, I came to the sad understanding that I probably was not like any other children, that I was different. When one day I asked my mother about it directly, she said that I must not be sad, but on the contrary, I should be proud of it, because it was a special talent. Honestly speaking, in no way could I understand what kind of a talent it was from which all my friends tried to keep as far away as possible! But this was a reality and I had to live with it. Therefore I tried to adapt to it somehow and share my strange "abilities and talents" with my friends and acquaintances as little as possible.

Although sometimes it slipped out unwillingly, like, for example, I often knew what would happen in that or any other day or hour to one or another of my friends and wanted to help them, warning them about it. But to my great surprise they preferred to know nothing and were angry with me, when I tried to explain something to them. Then, for the first time, I understood that not all people were eager to hear the truth, even if it could help them somehow. And this discovery made me even sadder.

6. The first contact

Six months after my grandpa’s death an event happened, which I think is worth a special mention. It was a winter night (then, the winters in Lithuania were very cold!). I had just gone to bed when suddenly I felt a strange and very soft "call", as if someone called me from very far away. I got up and came to the window. The night was very quiet, bright and serene. A thick snow-cover shimmered with cold sparks all over our dormant garden, as if the reflection of countless stars gently spun a sparkling silver spider web on it. It was so quiet, as if the world stiffened in a strange lethargic sleep.

Suddenly right in front of my window I saw the luminous figure of a woman. It was very tall, higher than three meters, absolutely transparent and sparkled, as if being woven from billions of stars. I felt a strange warmth coming from her and embracing me as if she called me somewhere. The stranger waved her hand, inviting me to follow her, and I did. The windows in my room were very large and long. They almost reached the earth, so I could easily get outside at any time. I followed my unusual guest without feeling the least fear. There was another very strange thing – I absolutely did not feel cold, although the outside temperature then was not, probably, less than 20 C below zero and I wore only my night gown.

The woman (if I may call her so) waved again with her hand, as if inviting me to follow her. I was very surprised that a normal moonlight path suddenly changed its direction and "followed" the stranger, creating a luminous path. I understood that I must go exactly there. Thus I followed my guest right to the forest. There was still a piercing and stark silence. Everything around sparkled and shimmered in the silent light of the moon. Everything was so still, as if the whole world froze in expectation of what was about to happen. The transparent figure moved farther and, as if being charmed, I followed her. I still did not feel cold, although, as I understood later, I was barefoot. There was another oddity. My feet did not break the thin crust of ice over snow, but floated over the surface without leaving any footsteps on it.

At last we reached a small round glade and there, in the moonlight, were several very tall and incredibly sparkling figures. They looked very like us, people, only they were absolutely transparent and weightless, like my exceptionally uncommon guest. They all wore long streaming clothes which looked like white shimmering cloaks. Four figures were male with absolutely white (probably grey) very long hair with shining hoops on their heads. And two figures were female which looked very like my guest, long hair and an enormous sparkling crystal in the middle of the forehead. They all emitted soothing warmth and somehow I understood that nothing bad could happen to me.

Svetlana was shown Sacred DaArya...
Tall sparkling figures
surrounded me...

I do not remember how I found myself in the centre of the circle. I only remember that suddenly all these figures began to produce bright luminous green rays which were directed right to me, into the area of my heart. All my body began to "sound" quietly (I do not know how to define my state more precisely, because this was exactly the feeling of a sound inside of me). The sound became stronger and stronger, my body became weightless, and I hung over the surface like these six figures. The green light became unendurably bright, completely filling all my body. I felt unbelievably light, as if I was about to fly up. Suddenly a dazzling rainbow flared in my head, like a door opened and I saw an unknown world. I had a very peculiar feeling, as if I knew this world a very long time ago and at the same time I never knew it.

My husband later explained to me that I saw then was Sacred DaArya, the far away and fascinating ancient Motherland of our ancestors. But then I was just a little girl and only saw a crystal city of striking beauty which looked like one of the grand cities of my fairy-tales. Then these visions suddenly disappeared and another appeared, already quite incomprehensible to me. A powerful sparkling stream of unknown signs which looked like strange and very beautiful letters floated before my eyes (I knew what they were much later, on reading the ancient Slavonic Veda). I saw an enormous crystal staircase, so high, that it gave the impression of going nowhere. One of the six figures indicated to me that I must go upstairs.

It was absolutely fabulous! I almost did not feel my body, it was totally weightless! At the top of the stairs there was another six tall luminous figures; on the head of one of them was a crown of amazing beauty. It shone and sparkled with millions of colours which I never saw on Earth! It changed its form all the time. Much later I knew that these were the energy structures which very highly evolved spirits possess (which in most cases are reminiscent of a crown), but then it was truly and absolutely unusual and painfully beautiful.

I again somehow found myself in the circle, only now there were twelve luminous figures around me. I again heard a beautiful sound. And I saw myself in a strange crystal egg which was as if being assembled of countless number of small diamonds. The figures disappeared, I remained alone. Suddenly each of these crystals began to shine very brightly and I felt myself full of "holes", as if millions of holes opened in my body through which strange and warm music was poured into me from every small crystal. I felt so amazingly well that I wanted to cry… Afterwards I remembered nothing.

I woke up in the morning in my room, perfectly remembering every detail of what had happened last night, being absolutely sure that it was not a dream or my imagination, that it was all true and real, like it always was with me. But even if I wished to doubt it very much, the following events would have wiped clean my most sceptical thoughts, if such had ever flashed through my mind.

7. A test

My strange "walks" repeated every night now. I stayed awake, waiting for everybody in the house finally to fall asleep and everything around to sink into deep night silence, so that, without being caught, I could again submerge in that unusual and mysterious "other" world which I had so got used to visiting. I waited impatiently for my new "friends" to appear and the dazzling miracle with which they presented me every time. Although I never knew which of them would come this time, I was always sure that somebody would certainly come and that whoever did, he or she would grant me the next fairy instant which I would carefully keep in my memory for a long time, like in a closed magic trunk the keys of which only I had.

But one night nobody came. It was a pitch-dark and moonless night. I stood at the window pressing my forehead against the cold window-glass, keeping my eyes glued on the garden covered in a shimmering snow shroud, trying to discern something moving and familiar till my eyes began to ache, feeling deeply lonely and even a bit "treacherously" abandoned. I was very sad and bitter and felt like crying. I knew that I was losing something incredibly important and precious to me. No matter how hard I tried to prove to myself that everything was all right and they just were late, at the bottom of my heart I dreaded that they could never come. I felt offended and hurt and in no way wanted to believe it. My little child’s heart refused to accept such a "terrible" loss and acknowledge the fact that some day that should happen; only I did not know yet – when and I wildly wanted to postpone this ill-fated moment as far as possible.

Suddenly something began to change behind my window and shimmer in a familiar way! My first thought that some of my "friends" appeared at last, but instead of familiar luminous spirits I saw a strange "crystal" tunnel which began right near my window and went somewhere far away. My first impulse was to rush there without thinking twice, but then it suddenly seemed a little strange for me that I did not feel that usual warmth and calmness that accompanied each appearance of my "star" friends.

As soon as I thought about it, the "crystal" tunnel began to change and get dark turning into a strange pitch-dark "pipe" with long moving tentacles inside. A sickly and unpleasant pressure squeezed my head, very quickly turning into a raging and bursting pain which threatened to crush my brain. Then for the first time I truly felt how cruel and strong a headache can be (which in the future, only for completely different reasons, would poison my life for nineteen long years). I was scared indeed. There was nobody who could help me... The house deeply slept, but even if it did not, I would not be able to explain to anybody what had happened…

Then, being on the verge of the most real panic, I remembered the creature with the crown of amazing beauty and mentally called to him for help. Foolish, it would seem, but my headache immediately disappeared, giving place to blustering delight, because I suddenly saw again the already familiar shining city and my wonderful and unusual friends. They all for some reason smiled at me very warmly, as if approving, emitting incredibly bright green light around their sparkling bodies. As it appeared later, without knowing it, I had passed the first test in my life, of which later on there will be so many indeed, but this was the first time and only the beginning...

I was just a child and could not even suspect then that bad or, as we call them, "black" spirits can perfectly exist in those "other", incredibly beautiful and "pure" worlds and snatch the "greenhorns", like I was then, which had just "hatched out" to another level of reality, like a fish on the hook and gladly devour their raging life-force or connect them to a "black" system for good. Regrettably, there were not many "nestlings" that could free themselves from it without knowing how or having the necessary potential for that.

Therefore I could not even imagine how lucky I was then that I somehow managed to see quite another thing instead of that which someone very persistently tried to suggest to me. (I think that even then I somehow managed to scan the situation without realizing that). And if it were not for my amazing "crowned" friend who I called just in time, being wildly frightened, nobody knew in what far away "black" worlds my spirit would dwell now, if it was still alive at all. That is why there was so much joyful warmth and light in my "star" friends’ hearts. I think that this event, regrettably, became one of the main reasons for our farewell. They considered that I was now ready to think independently, but I personally did not consider it so at all…

8. The farewell

Two female spirits came to me, as if hugging me on either side, although I absolutely did not feel it physically. We appeared in an unusual structure which looked like an enormous pyramid all walls of which were completely covered with strange and unknown writings, but on looking at them closely I understood that I had already seen the same letters when we first met. We stood in the centre of the pyramid and I suddenly felt a strange "electric current" coming from both female spirits straight into me. The feeling was so strong, that I rocked from side to side and it seemed that something began to grow inside of me.

Then the male spirit with a shining crown stretched his hands toward me and the world changed. A dazzlingly bright crystal tornado began to whirl around me and fully "insulated" me from my friends. When it disintegrated, a strange, black and naked Earth was around me. I was in the middle of nowhere and absolutely alone, but for some reason I was not afraid. I felt that they were trying to show me something and I had to try to do my best to see it. Suddenly a terrible feeling of absolute emptiness crept into my heart: there was nothing there – no light, sounds or any foothold under my feet. I hung in the "nowhere"…

The only thing I saw before me was a shining ball (as I understand now, it was Earth) and there was a bright "egg" inside it flaming with green fire. Then it began to grow and change, becoming brighter and more transparent. Hundreds of green "bridges" stretched out on all sides from it and there was "another" Earth at the end of each of them. I do not know how to explain it otherwise, but those were our Earth indeed, only each of them looked quite different, as if being in another time or dimension.

I did not understand what it was, but I knew that I must remember it and did my best to do so. Everything suddenly disappeared and I again found myself inside the same enormous pyramid and saw all my shining "friends". There were twelve of them again and they again, like at the very first time made a circle, and I was inside it. Only this time, in addition to the warmth which they emitted I felt a strange deep sadness, and I understood that they came to say goodbye.

To my great surprise, I perceived it very calmly, as if I knew that it would not last forever. Each of them came to me and laid their right arm on my chest, which made me feel astonishing warmth and calmness. The touch of each spirit left a different shining colour on me, and in the end my body shone with twelve amazingly bright changing colours. I again heard strange music within myself and everything disappeared, and I remembered nothing more.

Download the Book

1. The beginning
2. A friend
3. The first "swallows"
4. The loss
5. Reality
6. The firs contact
7. A test
8. The farewell
9. The awakening
10. Everyday life
11. The neighbours
12. Cookies
13. The fire that did not warm up
14. Loneliness
15. Giving eating up
16. The second contact
17. The result
18. Anesthesia
19. The neighbour
20. Unusual salvation
21. Unexpected guests
22. The poltergeist
23. A car accident
24. An angel
25. Stella
26. Stella-2. Harold
27. Stella-3. Axel
28. Stella-4. The astral world
29. Stella-5. Svetilo. The hell. Izolda
30. Stella-6. The mental world
31. Vaya. Other worlds
32. My parents
33. The surprise
34. Sorrow
35. Isidora
36. Isidora-2. Rome
37. Isidora-3. Meteora.
38. Isidora-4. The Loss.
39. Isidora-5. The Darkness.
40. Isidora-6. Svetodar.
41. Isidora-7. The Cathars.
42. Isidora-8. The Key of Gods
43. Isidora-9. The loss of Anna. The woman Warrior.